Tuesday, February 26, 2013

The Five Stages of Losing Faith

Over at Debunking Christianity, Harry McCall has reworked Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief into five stages of losing faith. It's got the same five stages as Kübler-Ross' (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), but his stages seem to start quite a bit before one actually goes through the actual loss. If Kübler-Ross' started this soon, you'd start dealing with grief before you had a reason to grieve, if that makes any sense.

So I made my own, based on my own experience of what it was like to go through the painful upheaval of realizing you've been wrong about life's most basic questions. Here it is:


  1. Denial - My faith is fine. These questions I have are just questions, but God is real. Smarter people than me have grappled with them and come out fine on the other side, so there must not be substance to them.
  2. Anger - What the hell is wrong with me! Why am I having such a hard time holding on to my Christianity? Stupid George Michael! Stupid! Get a grip!
  3. Bargaining - Please God! Don't let me go! If you're in any way concerned that I am slipping into deep water, tell me to come to you on the waves and I will! Are you there?
  4. Depression - Everything I've put my faith in for the last 20 years has turned out to be a fairy tale. Interesting and compelling, but a fairy tale.
  5. Acceptance - I can't honestly call myself a Christian anymore. Okay, what's next?
What do you think? If you've been through a similar experience, did it have quasi-identifiable stages like this?

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4 comments:

  1. I feel like sometimes I start the process of grief without having experienced it yet. It helps me be anxious. And afraid.

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  2. Ah yes, the imagination...

    I suppose for me, i can imagine things and even imagine the grief I would feel about those things without the actual grief...

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  3. Yes!:

    1) Denial – There are so many clever people out
    there. I just haven’t exposed myself to enough arguments for the existence of
    God. Must do more research!

    2) Frustration – Research has planted more doubt
    and I am crying out for answers and God isn’t answering. I need him to rescue
    me from these doubts and assure me that He’s there.

    3) Enlightenment – Wow, evolution is so very
    evident once you open your eyes. The story of how we got to where we are today
    from the beginning of the cosmos is incredible.

    4) Depression – Since God doesn't exist, what the
    hell am I supposed to do with myself now? How do I reassure my friends and family that I'm not going to hell?

    5) Freedom and joy - Every day is another portion of the finite life I have. Enjoy it to its fullest and invest in what matters most: other people. Cognitively, I am liberated to question anything without fear of having my faith shaken. The wonder of science captures me on a daily basis.

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  4. I like that last bit about freedom and joy. There was definitely Joy before, but not Freedom. Not like this, anyway - the freedom to question without worrying about faith. Brilliant.

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